Why Compliments Used To Make Me Uneasy

I'm a young mom, young wife and a business owner. Whenever people meet me and hear about my business or the amount of kids I have OR that I'm a SAHM (stay at home mom) they of course think I'm totally awesome because of my age and flood me with compliments. These compliments have always made me super uncomfortable when they are coming from people who rarely compliment themselves.

I couldn't figure out why they made me so uneasy until recently and it's because, I don't like being put on a pedestal. I don't like people thinking my life is so easy and awesome. I know there are people who love compliments and thrive off of them, I'm not one of those people.

Social media makes everyone seem so perfect, especially if you own a business and even when you don't intend for it to. People project. They project all that they want to be on you and that's very dangerous.

It all made sense when I read a quote by Maya Angelou:

"Maya Angelou: Well, let me speak of the few negatives first. The larger my name becomes, the more I am a target, yes. People sometimes put people on pedestals so they can see them more clearly so they can knock them off. There is that in the human psyche. Sometimes people are at your feet, and as the winds of fortune change, they'll be at your throat. I understand that. What I do is I follow the advice of the West African philosopher, which is, "Don't pick them up, don't lay them down." That is, when someone says, "You're the greatest, you're the absolute, you're a genius," you say, "Thank you so much, thank you, bye-bye, bye-bye." Because if I pick them up, you see, I got to then believe when they say, "You're nothing, you're a charlatan, you're a..." 

Taken from: http://www.digitaljournal.com/article/136533

Now I've learned to thank people for their compliments but, to leave it right there. I don't want folks expectations put on me. It's exactly what Ms. Angelou said: " People sometimes put people on pedestals so they can see them more clearly so they can knock them off. There is that in the human psyche. Sometimes people are at your feet, and as the winds of fortune change, they'll be at your throat. I understand that." This is why I am weary of over zealous compliments. I've had personal experience with this and it hurts, a lot. People will put you in a race that you didn't ask to be in and run against you. This makes the friendship a competition that you won't even know about until the friendship is over.

I'm not the perfect parent or business owner. I'm not some unicorn that poops rainbows. What folks think of me has become none of my business, great or bad. I do pay attention to what folks say about themselves and this determines whether or not I'll take their compliment to heart.

Again Maya Angelou explains this perfectly:

“I don't trust people who don't love themselves and tell me, 'I love you.' ... There is an African saying which is: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt.”
― Maya Angelou
Being a mom is hard enough without having to live up to what someone else thinks of me. This takes away loads of stress and just lets me be me. Whenever someone lays the compliments extra thick on me all while talking badly about themselves, I tell them the truth and let them know that I'm not perfect. I'm just me and I am not doing anything they can't do. I leave all the compliments there for them to pick up and apply to themselves.

Don't ever lift anyone up more than you lift up yourself. The same flaws you have, someone else has. Remember that...

What is my passion? Why do I make soap?

Everyone is in the business of  "Helping You Find Your Passion" but, what does that even mean? For many years it meant nothing. I wasn't passionate about anything. I had things that were personal to me of course but, nothing that woke me up in the morning. To be honest, nothing really wakes me up in the morning, I love sleep. If I didn't have children who need breakfast, I would lay in bed until 10 o clock every morning staring at the ceiling. I disgress... I figured I didn't have a passion.

Since becoming a mother for the 3rd time, I've realized my passion and it surely isn't soapmaking or soap. Don't get me wrong, I love making soap but, I can't talk about it ALL DAY. I realized how much I don't want to talk about soap all day when I was a part of several soapmaking groups on Facebook and had to leave them all. When you think to yourself "If one more person asks about colorants and how to get a soap to trace ONE MORE TIME!!!!" yeah, soap is not your passion. (Just being honest, I'm not cut out for that kind of redundancy.) I have no desire to go to soap conferences (some of that is the introvert in me, I will admit that). I love my soap friends though!

So what's the point of this post? What am I blabbing on and on about?! I swear I have a point.

My passion is helping women, specifically mothers. The avenue I use to help mothers is soap. I'm passionate about encouraging and uplifting moms. We don't hear enough how awesome we are, we aren't encouraged enough to go take a break and relax. Every parenting magazine is full of articles on how we're doing it all wrong and need to get with some new parenting style. No. Many of us are doing it right. We're trying. Every single day, we get up and try again to be great at this mom job. I don't mind getting paid in cuddles and kisses though. (Sidenote: My youngest is about to be 1 and I have all the feels. I want her to stay my little baby.)

Soap is the avenue I use to reach moms. Pretty soap. Wonderful smelling soap. 

For many us, we're only alone in the bathroom. Specifically, in the shower. We aren't even alone to pee. Just to shower. Even if you manage to keep them out, they stand at the door with ALL THE QUESTIONS AND EMERGENCIES. Even my husband's life falls apart when I go to the bathroom.

Our showers are sacred. We need to have the BEST SHOWERS EVER. So, bring all the wonderful smells, beautiful colors and luscious softness that is bubbles. This is why I make soap. I love what soap becomes. I love the naturalness and the skin softening because, my 2 yr old makes it his life's mission to dump out all the lotion everywhere. I need soft skin that doesn't NEED lotion right out of the bath. Our showers need to work miracles. We need our shower to calm us, help us figure out life, give us soft skin, encourage us, get rid of the tired and just make us feel better. My soap does ALL THAT and that's why I make it. Not just make it but, make it the way I do. Every single batch, every single scent has a purpose.

I love the creative side of soapmaking. Thinking about what colors look best together, what scents match what colors, how do certain scents make me feel and how I want those scents to make other women feel. Will the scents relax you? What does smelling that soap do to help you feel better?

These are the things that keep me soaping. Making something I love and using it to help other moms feel better. Helping myself feel better. Soap doesn't talk or whine either so that's a plus.

What's your passion? Why do you do what you do? No corny answers okay? If you love it, why do you love it? Let me know.