How To Gain Self Confidence

This week there was a documentary that came out called Light Girls. I didn't watch it because, I had previously seen the documentary called Dark Girls but, I did read a lot of the online commentary.

Documentaries like these annoy me immensely because, they never offer a solution to the problem. Most site the problem as Colorism which is: Discrimination based on skin color. Which is what this is but, it isn't the root problem. The root of it all and what causes it is lack of self respect and lack of respect for others. Disrespect is what causes someone to make fun of someone because they are different. Children who bully other children usually suffer from a lack of respect for themselves as well.

While I can agree that telling our stories is therapeutic, it isn't all we need to do. We have to move past just talking about these issues and move to really finding a solution for them. Reading a lot of the responses to both of these films was sad because, I could tell people were really hurting and some said the films brought them to tears and brought back old feelings that they had buried away.

You can watch all the documentaries you want and listen to 100 stories like yours but, you have to choose to love you and not look for outside approval. Many of us still seek validation without realizing it and still try to fit certain beauty standards that tell us we aren't naturally beautiful in our own bodies. Not to be corny but, we have to be the change and let that trickle down to our children. It starts within ourselves and you have to guard what you allow to influence how you think about yourself.

Here is how I try to change things within my own home: 

Forget Beauty Standards

I don't read beauty magazines and articles that try to tell me what beauty is. Very seldom will they have a woman who looks like me featured and usually the women are airbrushed, no stretch marks, long hair, etc. I can't be these women and I accept that. Those women aren't even themselves and after reading about the extreme diets many of them go on, I don't want to even look like them. I try not to follow trends unless I genuinely like that style and then it isn't a trend for me. I try to dress and carry myself the way I want to with very little outside influence. I don't care about what is "in" because I will never be "in" to any of these popular magazines and that is really OKAY.

Hurt People Hurt People

Whenever I think about bullies, I try to remember that hurt people, hurt people. A lot of times people just need to be shown how to love themselves. I saw this quote and I loved it because it is very true: 

Folks look in the mirror and pick themselves apart so of course they are going to pick you apart too. I realize this and let insults roll off my back. I let that stuff go. I can't control how others act but, I can control how I react to it and I choose not to allow that negativity in my life. Folks have their own issues within themselves and I am not going to let that change how I view myself. To someone I am beautiful and to someone else I might be ugly, I choose not care either way. I believe I am beautiful and that's all that matters. 

Self Acceptance
It is hard to accept certain features you have if you've been told that those features were ugly for a large portion of your life. This really takes accepting what you can't change. I can't change my skin color, eye color, size of my nose or lips. I really have to just accept these features. We are all unique and that's okay. My outside appearance is such a small part of me, I am so much more than what I look like.  I'm thankful that I have eyes, nose, lips, etc. because there is someone who doesn't have these things but, these features don't determine my value. I'm beautiful not because of how I look but, because of who I am. Features change and hair falls out, gravity takes a hold of things, stretch marks appear and we go through so many other changes, you really can't let your physical appearance consume you. Accept what you look like, make changes where you can and then move on.


Build Your Children Up
As mothers, our self confidence trickles down to our children. I don't want my daughters to hate themselves or any part of them because of something I said. As a mom, I try to watch how I describe my daughters. I don't criticize them. I try to never make any feature of theirs seem ugly. My 5 year old has long kinky hair. She would call it tangly and I had to keep telling her that it gets tangled but, it isn't tangly. I let her know that her hair is just a small part of her and I show her the importance of taking care of it and how unique her hair is. Her friends have different hair than she does and I let her know that is alright. Her hair isn't better than theirs and vice versa. Everyone is special in their own way.

And that really is the core of it all, we are all special in our own way.

Mind Right Monday...on a Tuesday

I've been meaning to participate in Mind Right Monday for months weeks. This post is a day late but, I will be on time next week.

My goals for the week are:

• Get organized. 
• Stay organized. I need to use my planner every. single. day. 
• Plan out my schedule a bit better. 
• Write 1 more blog post for this week.
• Get my 5 yr old all caught up with her homeschooling. 
• Get 10 designs done for my husbands business.
• Get all the soap needed for this week made or cut or photographed and on to the website. 

I am grateful for:

• Food. Seriously. 
• My 5 yr old getting over her sinus infection.
• My children learning to play together without fighting and arguing every 5 mins.
• My husband being able to be home in the evenings while I work. 
• My 1 yr old teething and wanting to cuddle. (Teething is a pain but, I do love her hugs.)
• My friends. 
• My friends and their jokes. 

Review: Shea Moisture Jamaican Black Castor Oil Leave-In Conditioner

This Friday I purchased a leave in from Shea Moisture, their JAMAICAN BLACK CASTOR OIL STRENGTHEN, GROW & RESTORE LEAVE-IN CONDITIONER. I was very skeptical about this leave-in conditioner because, unlike make other naturals, I haven't had much success with Shea Moisture products.

Price: $10-11 from Sallys Beauty Supply
The price is great to me since it comes in a 16 oz. jar. Most of their products come in 8-12 oz. jars/bottles.

Prepping my hair:
I shampooed my hair with my shampoo bar and conditioned as usual. I shampoo my hair in 4 sections, apply conditioner to each section and detangle with the conditioner still in. I rinse my hair all at once, after the sections have been detangled. After detangling, I put each section in a 2 strand twist.

To dry my hair, I wear a t-shirt and air dry until my air is damp or about 75-85% dry. I do not apply product to dripping wet hair.

How did I use the product:
After my hair was 75-85% dry, going section by section, I applied a quarter sized amount of the Shea Moisture Jamaican Black Castor Oil Leave-In Conditioner to each section, massaged it in and then applied a dime sized amount of Lia Naturals Coconut Mango Butter. I split each section up and did 2 strand twists. Out of 4 sections, I ended up with about (10) 2 strand twists.

First Impression:
This product is very runny, it is very easy to apply along the length of my hair but, getting it from the jar to my hair was a little messy. The texture is a bit slimy, not at all like a thick creamy butter or cream. Once applied it was light, I could tell I had applied it but, it wasn't heavy or greasy at all. My twists were shiny and bouncy.

Twist Out Results:
I actually like this product. When I took my twists out I had nice definition, no greasy feeling at all. My hair felt moisturized and soft. I have zero complaints. I am very surprised! My hair looked the same the whole day, no frizz or shrinkage.

I went to sleep with just a satin bonnet cap on, I didn't retwist my hair and the twist out looks exactly the same and feels the same as well.

*excuse these pics. I'm not a selfie taker, I don't have time to be posing and all that. Took me 10 mins. too long to get these pics decent.

If I were to rate this 1 out of 10, I would give it an 8. I will be purchasing this again.

How To Use Your Planner To Achieve Your Goals

I'm a very fly by the seat of my pants type of person, I think they call me a Type B personality. I'm one of those people who buy planners because they're cute or fit in my purse. Actually using a planner...jokes.  But, lately, I've been feeling like my thoughts are everywhere all at once and that I am spinning my wheels in business and in my personal life. I've had to actually adult and  use the cute planners I've bought and get serious about achieving my goals and it  hasn't been that easy.

Planning and mapping out goals requires patience, thought and accountability. If I'm 100% honest with myself it also requires confidence. This requires telling the negative committee in my head to STHU by taking steps to reach those goals. You can find 100 reasons NOT to do something and why it won't work when you actually get serious about doing it. Fear is real and it is crippling.  Even if you're "doing" something, if you aren't doing it wisely or taking it seriously, it is because you don't have confidence in yourself. So, I've went out and bought some new cute planners and I've set my mind to actually using them to help me stay on track with my goals.

Here is how I use my planner to achieve my goals.

1. Go get a planner AND a journal.

Planner: Think of each day as steps on a stairwell, you eventually want to get to the top (your goal) so you need to plan each and every step. "Today I am on step number 3 and in order to get to step number 4 I need to do these specific things." The These specific things are what you write down in your planner. You get the specific things from doing research. If your goal is to lose weight, you need to research the best way for you to lose weight that fits into your lifestyle.

Journal: I think of a journal as a place to write down the reason I'm on each step. "Okay, why did I step up to this step?", "Why am I on these stairs?", "What do I need to do to get to the next step?".

2. Write down the specific purpose for every single goal/job you have. Basically...write down your every thought. 

• Why are you in business? What exactly is the point of your small business? When a customer buys from you, what are you REALLY giving them? Write ALL THAT down. 
• Why is your business/job important to you? "Homeschooling is important to me because, I need to lose weight because, BECAUSE, BECAUSE, BECAUSE..."

In life, if it doesn't line up with your goals, don't do it. Simple as that. This also helps with feelings of guilt and keeps your focused. Your life now has purpose.

3. Lose the cute catch phrases. 

This is real life here and in life we need real solutions. If you're just throwing out cute phrases with very little thought, you're not being serious. "I'm going to be successful in 2015." Well, what is success? Why is success important? What are you trying to be successful at? Life? Business? What are you saying? Your vision is about as clear as mud right now. Let's make it clear and something you can actually attain. 

• Figure out exactly where you want this success. 
• What do you consider success? 
• In order to do this, what changes need to be made and what do you need to implement?

Now, after you've written all of this down in your journal, it is easier to actually plan out your days, weeks, months, etc. You can now see exactly where you are going and why you're going there. 

Remember that negative committee? You're going to be too busy working to actually listen to those negative thoughts.

Was this helpful? What do you do to reach your goals? Comment below!